Antisocial behavior and other bugaboos
I've avoided weighing in on Colin Boyarski's death since it happened. Honestly, I haven't been sure how I felt about it, much less how to put things into words.
First of all, I'd like to address some comments I have heard made by folks (some students, some faculty, some alumni) about the drinking environment at Kenyon:
- Of course people drink a lot at Kenyon - there's nothing else to do in Central Ohio.
I have heard a lot of people say this. I remember being one of those people at one point. Y'know what? It's a load of crap. A quick glance at the Kenyon Calendar for this week shows a concert by Ensemble REBEL, 3 recitals, a softball game, a lacrosse match, an art exhibit, a Chasers concert, a showing of The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, a vaudeville show at Hill theatre, a performance by the Gamelan ensemble, and various earth day, spring festival, and Take Back the Night events. And that's just the free stuff on campus. If you're really that bored, it might not be Central Ohio - it might be you. - Drinking at Kenyon is nothing new - we always used to drink a lot. I'm sure it's no different.
Yes and no. We did drink a fair bit, but it was different. Some of it may have been the crowd I hung out with, but the quality of the drinking has changed substantially since the mid- to late-1980s.
In my opinion, a lot of this can be traced directly to ways in which the State of Ohio (and Kenyon as a result) have attempted to crack down on underage drinking.- During my freshman year, I was able to get into the Pirate's Cove without issue. At 17, I usually was not able to actually get a drink, but I could get in the building even though the drinking age was 21. By my sophomore year, the last of the 18-year-olds who had been grandfathered into the lower drinking age were 21, and the policy had been changed, so that you got carded on your way in the door. The bar I could go to as a freshman was off-limits to me for the rest of my college career. Although the new policy was well-meaning, the result of it was to drive drinking into dorm rooms with the doors shut. No supervision, no bartender to cut you off. If I recall correctly, the folks at Security came out a few years later with statistics that showed increased instances of date rape since the change.
- Also during this time, the Shoppes stopped serving beer. It later changed its name to Philander's Pub, and yet maintained the dry status. Rather than risk being responsible for student drinking habits, they ceded any control over alcohol service and consumption, and drinking was isolated in the dorms.
- Summer Send-off (along with pretty much every other official college event) was made dry. See above.
In fact, all official college events are dry, best I can tell. (I honestly don't know about Senior Week, since I tend to avoid the campus during that time.) Philander's Phebruary Phling, Summer Send-Off, Spring Fest - all officially dry events. The result is that students are pre-partying. Since there is no option to drink in public, in the presence of others, where they might pace themselves lest they risk looking like asses, students meet in dorm rooms beforehand and pound as much alcohol as they can, so that they can be drunk when they arrive at the party. Dave Suggs, and anthro prof here who has been studying drinking habits for some time, has said repeatedly that he isn't nearly as concerned about party drinking as pre-partying. - Colin Boyarski's death is a tragic lesson about the dangers of underage drinking, so we need to crack down on that behavior. Wrong. So wrong I don't know where to begin. Anyone who says this (and, granted, I've only heard a few, but they've been loud) is missing the point in a big way. Explanation to follow.
To date, all attempts to stop underage drinking altogether have made the problem worse, by preventing students from gaining any knowledge of what it means to drink responsibly, like an adult. There seems to be some social drinking on campus, and a boatload of, for lack of better terminology, antisocial drinking. I am a semi-regular at the Grill (the new incarnation of the Cove), and I have had a few drinks with students in the past, as has Dear Husband. These students are learning a few incredibly valuable lessons about how to drink socially that, frankly, more students could use to learn earlier. Here, I list a few of the biggies:
- Be nice to the wait staff and the bartender. They are your friends. They have a vested interest in telling you when you're getting out of hand. If you are nasty or rude to these people, they are far less likely to give a damn, and more likely to just kick you out. I have (on multiple occasions) seen Jamie (Best Bartender on Earth) cut people off. The general procedure is to say "this is gonna have to be it for you" as he makes the drink you've requested. You will pay full price for this drink, and it will in all likelihood be 99% mixer. If you ignore this dead-giveaway that you've had way too much, your next step is likely to result in severe regret.
- If you're sitting at the bar, go ahead and talk to the folks sitting next to you. Yes, I know they're locals. Y'know something - they're probably not so bad. A lot are really nice and damned smart. They might even know something you don't know.
- If that person next to you offers to buy you a drink, and you're having a good time talking, go ahead and accept. If you don't want one, just say "no thanks, I'm good." Don't make a big deal of it. Maybe offer to buy that person a drink later on. Whatever you do, don't keep score of who has bought more drinks.
- If you're out with a group of friends, and one person is really getting out of control, it is perfectly acceptable to tell them so. They may not listen, but they might. This brings us to
- DON'T ABANDON THE DRUNK!!! I cannot emphasize this enough. If you go anywhere with a group of friends - a bar, a party, whatever - you leave together. If one of you gets really drunk, do not leave that person to fend for him- or herself. I don't care if the person is puking, passed out, or dying to hook up with that cute guy in Kluge's writing class. You have an absolute right to tease the hell out of that person during the inevitable hangover the next morning, but for now you are your brother's keeper.
That is the real tragedy of Colin's death. This kid was at an off-campus party (presumably with people he knew and liked), got really drunk, wandered off by himself and passed out in a field, died of what was most likely hypothermia, and nobody was worried enough to go after him. Going to a party should not have been a problem. His getting drunk was unfortunate, but certainly not unprecedented. The rest is unacceptable - possibly even unforgivable - and way too common in behavior if not in outcome.
The problem was not that Colin was a 19-year-old who got drunk at a party. The problem was that nobody had his back.
garden progress: It is snowing. 'Nuff said.
house progress: Negligible.
what's for dinner? Pork (the one red meat for which I have occasional cravings) with chipotle rub, stuffing, and a salad.
posted by Alison @ 12:48 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
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At 1:57 PM,
lemming held forth...
- Your last two sentences are exactly right. We have a responsibility to each other, as a community and as people, to watch for each other.
-
At 2:17 PM,
Alison held forth...
- Thankfully, that seems to be the message that most of the students are getting. I only hope that Kenyon's selective short-term memory doesn't kick in too soon.
-
At 1:12 AM,
held forth...
- Hi Alison, it is Liz from I Speak of Dreams. I've been following collegiate & underage alcohol deaths for about 9 months now. 2005 list of deaths 2004 list of deaths.
While I think you have some good points about late adolescents and learning to drink responsibly, I don't think the change in drinking age has much to do with it, really.
The data seem to suggest that these factors are more important:
(a) Fraternity or "Greek life "-- a cultural norm of using alcohol over-consumption as a test of manliness
(b) A glorification of excess, in the MTV "Spring Break" videos; commercialization of excessive consumption (beer pong games, jello shots kits, fast consumption using beer bongs)
(c) widespread ignorance of the risk of death from alcohol overdose
My two cents, anyway. -
At 9:49 AM,
Joe held forth...
- I see your points, Liz, but don't you think that the "prove your manliness" aspect would go down if we just, oh, treated young adults like adults instead of kiddies? If you didn't have to prove it and your maturity was just assumed?
As far as glorification of excess, how many people died from alcohol poisoning in the court of the Sun King?
But on C, you're right. Far too many people don't realize that alcohol poisoning is a real concern. -
At 9:44 AM,
held forth...
- I find your analysis of the situation to be inadequate. I understand people get very drunk and it is a friends duty to aid their friend in any way, shape, or form. Yet, with that said, I find it astonishing that you could cite this as the main "problem" behind Colin's death. We each have a responsibility to ourselves, and to our friends to be able to have a level of control over our own actions, and not be totally dependent on others. I understand at times we make mistakes and get too drunk, but what about the next time the person gets too drunk, or the next time? Is it always going to be the people who care about the person the most (the close friends) fault if their drunk, yet apparently put together, friend says "I'll be back in a few" and wanders 100 yards away into an obscure field? The problem here isnt a lack of responsibility within the friends of the person, its a lack of responsiblity within the person themselves. The problem here is that we have teenagers drinking till their BAC is 9 times the legal limit. The problem here is lacking/ineffective education about the dangers of alcohol abuse. How to solve these problems, assuming they are even solvable, is something I dont know. But I do know that before every kid goes out partying on the weekend, they should make a concerted effort to maintain their composure throughout the duration of the evening, for the sake of their friends, their family, and most importantly themselves.
I was best friends with Colin Boyarski and sadly didn't venture out that fateful saturday due to a baseball game the following day, but he was with each of his other best friends that night, and I can assure you, in this particular instance, their hands are clean of any wrongdoing, and believe me when I say this, Colin would say the same. You who wrote this may feel free to write me an email anytime you like to discuss Colin's death and the issue of underage drinking. guillh@kenyon.edu